We’ve all seen them: Those commercials with the happy eHarmony couples, swaying to the sounds of Natalie Cole. The grandfatherly Neil Clark Warren, telling us to sign up for a free compatibility profile. The promise of sunshine and roses, with ne’er a fight, or even mild disagreement.

Well, that’s marketing for you. I ought to know, as I was an off-and-on customer of eHarmony for four years. So, I believe I am well qualified to give an accurate picture of the services offered, along with their various benefits and flaws. I know them all too well. The record of this experience follows below.

I signed for eHarmony the summer after I finished college. Yes, during the time that most people meet the person they will spend the rest of their lives with, I was doing other things. Those other things included working, and being far too picky. Maybe picky isn’t the right word, although I believe that “oblivious” fits the bill nicely. Other guys would tell me, “That girl is into you, man.”, and I would cringe a little and keep walking. She could have been, but I was clued into a universal truth at an early age: All guys think all girls are into them. Therefore, buying into this mass delusion would bring me great pain, when I found that girl was “…way into somebody else, man”. This self-preservation instinct probably kept me away from a few great, and a few painful relationships.

Enough about me, for now. This article is all about me, so I am sort of unavoidable. The first thing that eHarmony claims works for them is this profile. They ask all these questions, and some of them seem to have little relevance whatsoever. It’s more in-depth than your traditional personality profile, and it takes a long while. If the “love of my life” hadn’t been waiting on the other end of that test, I would have given up in frustration. I forged onward. It is also unadjustable. How well do you really know how funny you are. Seriously. You might feel inferior; you could be overconfident. Anything could skew these answers in the wrong direction. You might have even overeaten. They are based on self-perception, and on the way you are feeling during the test.

After that, I waited. They said it would possibly take awhile to find someone to match my profile. They weren’t kidding. This was in the early days of eHarmony, and there was quite a bit of skepticism where online dating was concerned. It took what seemed like forever for me to get my first match. Now, they say to communicate with every single match you get. So I did. To me this is the best and worst part of eHarmony as a service.

The questions they have you ask to each other as icebreakers create anticipation: How fast will they answer, will they answer at all, why haven’t they answered yet?

Every time you communicate, it creates this Pavlovian anxiety, combined with an equal feeling of relief and joy when you finally receive the response. This, my friends is the best part of the eHarmony experience. Remember, eHarmony controls all aspects of the communication during this time. This is also the worst part of the eHarmony experience, as it has the tendency to create a false sense of intimacy.

Why? Well, more than a few studies have shown that people are far more willing to open up when protected by a keyboard and a monitor. Don’t be disappointed if that highly eloquent and witty person who wrote you an email is almost painfully shy in person. This happened to me with the first match I completed communication with.

Joy(*not her real name, of course) was a student at one of the local colleges nearby. She was hilarious over email, and quite verbose. It was not unusual for her emails to occupy 2-3 pages on a single-spaced screen.

After we exchanged our real email addresses, we decided to call and talk a bit. Now, I am not a huge fan of the phone. Something about holding your arm to your ear for over 5 minutes feels unnatural. I assumed from the silence on the other end that I had said or done something wrong. This was not the case. When we decided to finally meet in person, she was as quiet, if not quieter than she was when on the phone. While we shared sort of familiar family backgrounds, we had virtually nothing else in common. I gave it a few more dates before I gently said that things were not going to work romantically.

Then came Marta*. Marta was lovely, an ex-model, musically talented,and was a transplant from the Mid-West. Everything was incredible, except for the fact that she had no sense of humor. I take that back, she did laugh hysterically when she said things like “pee” and “poo”, and about situations where you almost did such things in your pants. These would put her in fits of almost paralyzing laughter. She was also a vegetarian, not because she hated meat, but because she thought it was healthy to eat in such a manner. As an extreme omnivore, and halfway decent chef, I found this highly offensive. I still dated her for awhile, just to give things a chance. Eventually, our conversations became shorter, and we stopped talking altogether. Evidently, the decision to stop dating was mutual. I’m sorry, if you don’t feel Will Farrell’s “Cowbell” skit is funny, there is no way that you have a properly adjusted sense of humor. In fact, it should probably be added as a question on eHarmony’s little test. It sure wouldn’t hurt anything. Once again, this person was still nothing like me. While it would be nice if you grew up in a stable home, I don’t get to live there after we get married. Some things are just not that important.

After encountering two women in a row who didn’t quite get it, (there were plenty of others, whose I never chose to meet, based on their answers to the questions posed), I decided that the test must be the problem. So I wrote eHarmony’s customer support. I told them that, based on the matches I was receiving, I must have botched a question or so, in a category or two. They offered to tweak those categories for me, and I allowed them to do so. This was preferable to taking the test over again.

They changed those settings. I wish I had never made that request. The matches that I received from that point on were horrible. The problem? Many of them did not have a basic grasp of the English language. We’re not talking too many commas, or improper use of semicolon. This was full-on manslaughter. After a few months of this, I stopped paying their enormous fees, and let the membership lapse.

While I am building up to my final experience with eHarmony, let’s talk about the fee structure. While that “compatibility profile” may be free, the service certainly is not. Their by-the-month fee is still $59.95 a month. While they discount a full year to $21 a month, you still are required to make a lump sum payment of over $250 to lock in that rate. Ouch! That certainly made an impact on my wallet as a single guy. That’s where eHarmony gets you as well: They attach a price to something that you respond emotionally to. This ensures that you will allow your account to continue to be debited, month-after-month-after-month. Mr. or Mrs. Right could be just around the corner. Do you really want to take a chance that you will miss an opportunity that could change your life forever?

Back to the story. I had my final encounter with eHarmony nearly a year and a half later. The algorithm had to have improved by now, and with all that advertising, the dating pool should be better as well. It happened to be. Two days later, I met a girl who was exactly like me. She had a child, and was divorced, but was exactly like me. She was pretty, shared the same faith,and the same values. She even enjoyed the same music. Most importantly, she had a sense of humor. We met. The attraction was instant, there were warm fuzzies and long walks. There were romantic meals at nice restaurants, and makeout sessions that lasted for hours. There were quiet times where we’d just gaze into each other’s eyes. It was everything a romantic could hope for, and more. Caitlin* was also ready for marriage, as was I. 2 months in, there was already talk of an engagement, of how we would live, where we would live,and if I would adopt her child. As the relationship went on, I started to notice something: I didn’t like where I was in my life. She was a mirror image of me, a snapshot of exactly the person I had become. Her ethical standards and lack of commitment to her faith was a reflection of mine, as was her overly strong desire to be married. It was desperation and immaturity on the part of both parties, pure and simple. Slowly, I had changed as a person, and I knew that I couldn’t marry who I was at that time. On the day that I chose to break up with her, I went to see a 007 film. My stomach was in knots throughout the movie.

That night, after I broke the news and consoled her for 3 hours, I got in my truck to leave. I thought about what things would have been like if I never met her. I thought I would never pay for another month of eHarmony again. It had finally worked, but I wasn’t satisfied with the results.

Plenty of money has been made on eHarmony. They have convinced the world that you must share the same things in common. They say you must just “click” on all levels, and that that your level of “clickiness” is determined by your personality. The truth is, you need to be in agreement, not identical twins. Agreement comes about when two people with differences make the choice to sacrifice their singular viewpoint for a common vision. That is what makes a marriage strong. I know, because I am now married to a woman I met offline. She and I are very different, with contrasting parents, economic, and social factors. We are the very opposite of each other in almost every single way. One is weak, where the other is strong. If we disagree, then we are forced to grow. After all, marriage is about growth, in every aspect of our lives. Marriage is designed to mature us, and give a sense of oneness, not sameness. That is what we are all seeking.

So be careful what you wish for, all ye who pay eHarmony dues. You might get exactly what you bargained for.

Rob Charles is now happily married and free of eHarmony. He works as an analyst for a company that sells otr tires. He hopes to take his second honeymoon in Canada, and probably could have paid for the airfare if he hadn’t paid all those subscriber fees. Oh, well.

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Choosing the right perfume can be difficult and because it is also considered an intimate gift buying the wrong perfume can backfire on you and get you the opposite result of that which you hoped for.

The first thing you need to do is do some homework, meaning research. Look at your lady’s perfume bottles, the ones that are nearly empty will be her favorites. If there is one there that is nearly full chances are she doesn’t wear it often or doesn’t like it. Hint around and ask her what types of fragrances she likes and dislikes.

Humans are very sensory oriented and our sense of smell is no different. Certain perfumes can elicit strong reactions in both the wearer and the person reacting to the scent. Perfumes are made not only to attract but to also relax someone. If you aren’t totally sure what kind of perfume to buy you can always play it safe and get something in the aromatherapy line. If you go this route, bear in mind that vanilla scents are considered to relax and a peppermint or lemon scent will be more stimulating.

Buying a woman’s perfume for your wife or girlfriend is serious business. They expect you to know what they like, so you better know. This is your chance to show that you really do pay attention and that you know what she likes and doesn’t like. If you get it right you will get rewarded way beyond the small bottle of perfume, get it wrong and you’ll be accused of buying something your old girlfriend liked!

Other than the snooping I already mentioned, if you are buying the gift for a special occasion such as Christmas or Valentines Day you can be a little more upfront about asking than if you were just trying to surprise her. Take a look at her wish list, if she has perfume on the list ask her what types she likes. As soon as you can go write it down so you don’t forget, you know how we men are.

You should be very sure of your selection when you buy the perfume for your lady so make sure you have done your research so that you don’t end up upsetting her instead of thrilling her. Remember, this is just like buying lingerie it isn’t about what you like it is about what she likes! She is the one that will be wearing it to school or work and therefore it’s for her not you. But, if you get it right she will think of you every time someone compliments her on her fragrance and that my friend, is priceless.

Gregg Hall is an author and internet marketing consultant living in Navarre Florida. Find more about women’s perfume and discount perfume at http://www.womensperfumedirect.com

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Ever been in trouble with your wife or girlfriend? Of course you have, if you have known each other any time at all! We can’t help it, as guys we always do something or say something without thinking that upsets our significant other. Saying you are sorry can get you of the doghouse when you’ve done this but only if she really believes you are sincere and remorseful. If she thinks that you are just apologizing to take advantage of the incredible make up sex, you will be in hotter water than you were before you started!

One of the things that shows sincerity and remorse better than anything is action. What I mean by that is making a conscious effort not to repeat the same offense again. If you find yourself apologizing time and time again for the same offense not only does it show a lack of remorse but also shows that you really don’t care about what upset her.

If you know the exact reason she is upset, then apologize for that exact thing. Just saying you are sorry without knowing the reason is not only insincere but also sets you up for repeating it because you don’t know what it is you need to avoid doing or saying. If you really have no idea, humble yourself and ask her what you did to upset her, tell her you’re an idiot for nor realizing but you really want to know because you don’t want to do it again.

Don’t ever apologize by phone if you can do it in person and never do it with a message or an email. Again, this kind of cold and removed apology shows a lack of sincerity and doesn’t demonstrate that you are truly sorry for what you did. Take the time and effort to meet personally so that you can show how sorry you are and try to make amends.

If you want to go down in flames, go ahead and blame her for the situation while you are apologizing. I know that a lot of times the problem may have been contributed to by her, but the issue here is your apology. If you have a decent woman, she will reciprocate with an apology as well as long as you do it the right way. The only way to have your apology accepted as being sincere is to accept total responsibility.

Don’t allow too much time to pass either, if you apologize promptly it will be better accepted than if you wait and she thinks you are simply apologizing to get back in her good graces as an afterthought. On the other hand, if you are having an argument and you try to apologize in the heat of the moment it is likely to fall on deaf ears because she will not hear what you are trying to convey. A nice gift can smooth things over too.

Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Florida. Find more about this and sexy lingerie at http://www.sexiestlingerieplus.com

Image by D LeRoy via Flickr

If you are one of those people who says,
“I will forgive, but I’ll never forget”, sorry to tell you but you haven’t forgiven at all. Forgetting the offense is the key factor in true forgiveness and without the conscious act of forgetting there can be no forgiveness, in addition this attitude can lead to a grudge between two people over something that could have simply been over with an apology. It is important to come to the realization that the relationship is more important than standing on what you believe to be a principle and causing possible irreparable harm.

It doesn’t matter if you are justified in the way you feel or not, even though you feel you have been done wrong, you need to understand your feelings to be able to forgive the person and forget the wrongdoing. The old saying of, “two wrongs don’t make a right”, definitely applies here. Even though this other person may have hurt you, you must realize that a hostile reaction only makes matters worse and just harms the relationship.

You need to be able to talk things out and tell how you feel so that you will feel that you have expressed your take on the situation, but you also need to let the other person involved tell their side. The whole thing could have been a big misunderstanding, but if you just assume that they hurt you intentionally you will never know. Take the time to listen to each other and pay attention to the emotions that are involved during the process so that you will be able to forgive and forget.

Many times the best thing to do is retreat and allow your emotions to calm down in order to be able to work things out amicably. It is important that you do not act rashly and make decisions based on emotions from hurt or anger. Once you have had time to simmer a little, you will be able to express your feelings about the situation in a rational way and the two of you will be able to get your points across to each other in a positive manner. It is crucial that both of you are ready to resolve the conflict so that anger doesn’t rise up and eliminate the opportunity for true forgiveness to take place.

You must be willing and open to accept your significant other’s apology in order to forgive and forget and put the matter behind you. If you question the sincerity of the apology or feel that they really don’t mean it then you are continuing to harbor negative thoughts and this will result in damage to the relationship because you are still unwilling to forget. Pay attention to your partner as they go through the difficult process of apologizing and have the faith and trust to believe that they are remorseful and mean what they say. Tell them you forgive them and that you are going to just forget that it happened. This is the only way to resolve an issue and have true forgiveness.

Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Florida. Find more about how to make up with sexy lingerie at http://www.sexiestlingerieplus.com

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It is important to understand the definition of unconditional love to be able to give it, it is the kind of love that expects nothing back, places no limits, and does not set any ideals or conditions on what it should be. When you love in this way you do it without expectation of reciprocity and with no preconceived notions of how or if they will express love back to you. This is the kind of love you see exhibited by parents and children, brothers and sisters, true friends, and the best of romantic relationships.

When you love someone unconditionally you do not set limits or boundaries on that love, not circumstances that would cause you to withdraw it, there is nothing that would cause you to not love the person. Even if the other person does something that you feel is intentional, it is overlooked if you are truly committed to unconditional love. You do not try to control the actions of the other person, nor do you tell them that you will not love them if they act a certain way or do a certain thing. When this kind of love is present both partners feel more secure and neither of them seeks to control the other.

Since there are no boundaries or conditions the people in a relationship of unconditional love do not have to worry about the other person leaving or not loving them over a particular situation or behavior. Siblings in most cases are a good example of this, even though they may have quarrels and disagreements throughout their lives the bond between them remains unbroken and their love continues through any and all conflicts.

If you love someone unconditionally you will want whatever is best for them and you will always give them the freedom to seek out the things that really give them happiness. You will let them learn things for themselves and explore situations and experiences that they feel will make them happy, even if you think that you know what is best for them. Although they may make bad choices and do things that are wrong you will always be there for them and never judge them if you truly love them unconditionally.

Can you see room for improvement in your relationship? Do you place restrictions and limitations on the one you love? When you truly love someone unconditionally, you place their needs and their happiness above everything else, including yourself. Remember, just because you love someone in this way it does not mean that they will return their love to you in the same way. Are you ready to love unconditionally?

Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Florida. Show your partner how much you love them with sexy lingerie at http://www.sexiestlingerieplus.com