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Marriage After An Affair
By Alex Archer | April 29, 2008
One of the best ways to harm a relationship is to have an affair. Being not only a physical betrayal, but also an emotional betrayal, affairs will ruin trust between you and your partner and stifle hope. It is not only sex that is involved in an affair, there is an emotional element too. However, your relationship can survive if you are willing to make the effort. Furthermore, it may even become stronger than it was before.
The most important thing to do as part of the recovery process is rebuilding trust. It will be an uphill battle for the person who had the affair to regain the trust of his or her partner, however, with enough accountability and transparancy this can be achieved.
An affair will also bring into question the degree of commitment and love. After being caught in an affair, one must also work hard to get their partner to see them in a positive light. The love, physical and emotional, will not be easily replaced, rebuilt, or renewed but like trust, these things can be restored. Remembering that forgiveness and reconciliation are not instantaneous will help. Minimum recovery time for two people who are motivated, honest, patient, and sincere is 18 months. It can take longer. Don’t rush.
After one has begun working on all of those things, he or she must also remember that much compromise must be made because what has been done is something that some people will have immeasurable trouble recovering from. It is important to remember that in recovery from infidelity, the couple must aim for something new, not the old relationship. Fundamentally, attitudes and habits must change.
It is very trying to get over the mental anguish caused by infidelity and the relationship will stand little chance if this cannot be overcome.
During recovery, there may be quite a while with no physical intimacy. But as you go through that period, remember that the basis of your relationship is not sex, it is the melding of hearts and lives. Focus on the other aspects of your relationship. Learning to see and appreciate other facets of your mate may be the best thing you’ve ever done to strengthen your relationship. Above all, be patient. Better the long awaited but sincere reconciliation than the hasty reconciliation that falls apart.
Of course, there is never a guarantee that your relationship can survive an affair, or that your partner will think it is worth saving. Just keep in mind that after recovering from this, your marriage may be a stronger and better one. The tests involved in saving your marriage must be passed in order to for the injured party to heal.
Sometimes, there is just no way to recover a marriage after a betrayal such as an affair. Both people must want to save the relationship and be willing to fight for it. Humans are designed to want intimacy with others and someone to share all that life has to offer. Peace is often found through this intimacy and can be achieved even after an affair.
Topics: Relationships |