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Little Red Riding Hood Approaches Internet Dating
By Dr. Arlene Krieger, PhD |
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The big bad wolf slyly put his arm around Little Red Riding Hood’s shoulders and handed her a spot of tea and romantically said, “I’m not a fair-weathered friend”.
Brooke was shocked and repulsed by her own naivety for falling for her latest suitor’s seemingly scripted lines. She was educated, worldly, and attractive, and had been in her forties for more than a few years.
She opted for therapy after being distraught over her bad luck with dating men in her local area. This was not the first female patient that had expressed her disdain for the games that men play in the game of dating online.
I often address women’s perspectives on these issues not only of dating, but the new-age processes of Internet dating, sex and love. I am not so sure that the problem is specific to any specific city (many of those interviewed for this article live nation wide). It seems that in our 21st century world of dating, these issues of the search for ultimate love, lust, and the perfect partner run rampant and seem to have no demographic boundaries.
More often than not, women are complaining about several major repeated patterns of behavior seen in many of the men they have met. Listed below are the major offenders as stated by many of the women interviewed for purposes of this topic, intimacy, sex, and dating, or all of the above.
A few of the major dating no-no’s include:
1. The man has chronic predictable ADHD. He loves dating you, almost as much as he loves being back on the dating sites seducing other gullible women.
2. “men lie about their ages and pretend to be something that they are not”
3. “if they don’t have ex-girlfriends…they are still married or “separated” and expect you to put up with listening to them talk about their ex’s.
4. “Some men can’t even follow through. They take you on a date, tell you how crazy they are about you, and then don’t call back for a week, while having “business lunches” with other women…. all the while having made a date with you for this Friday. All the while he is telling you he is totally committed to you. Huh?
As a single woman myself, I have kissed a pond-ful of frogs. The key question here is…..WHY DO PEOPLE FAIL OUR EXPECTATIONS OF THEM???? And that is exactly what they do, because we set ourselves up for these disappointments!!!!!! People are people are people……thats right….we are humans with human frailties. We all err at times and fail ourselves and others.
In our new cyber-world of “internet dating”……we as women have to be, …and by the way………this is not an if, or a maybe, but absolutely a mandate that we “MUST BE” vigilant in our survival instincts!!!!!!! In other words….you must be discerning in your choices and stand firm with them, no matter how smooth the talker is on the other end. If your instincts say this is wrong, then this *is* wrong.
Here’s another approach…would you scatter your finances away to friendly strangers on the street, or give away your most valued possessions to just any old person that passed your way? Of course not!!!!!!! Then I ask, why are we as women…so often giving away our most precious belonging….our essence and soul energy. Thats right…..your essence…..that which makes up the core of who you know yourself to be, including your energy, physical life force, sense of self, self-esteem, and your loving heart, all of great value not just to you but to any two-way giving supportive relationship.
If the local men are acting like “he who dies with the most toys wins”…living their second childhoods all over again, why must we be susceptible to their fragile egos and acting out teenage acting-out?
Although the question concerning how to find the “perfect partner” is often raised, the answer lies in loving and respecting yourself-first. On the subject of sex, love and your body, you can never truly give to another, what you have not accepted for yourself. If you don’t have love for yourself, you can’t be loving to others.
This type of self-awareness is not so elusive as you might think. It simply means that, ‘you are aware of what the boundaries and pitfalls of internet dating entails’. You’re give physical, energetic, emotional, mental, soul-level, and spiritual aspects of your being, while maneuvering through this cyber-space world of the dating and mating process. Why not guard against the dangerous curves in the road that are yet to come. And there will be some more.
It is up to you to take responsibility for your own safety and growth. So even if the big bad wolf…..slips you that slippery and slimy cup of tea, it is up to you to decide if you want to go down that path! As they say….”IF YOU DON’T STAND FOR SOMETHING….YOU’LL FALL FOR ANYTHING….little Red Riding Hood.
Topics: Online Dating |