As social beings, our desire for connection is a deep and powerful force within us. Babies who do not experience connection with a caregiver do not thrive or may even die. Deep connection with another is one of the greatest joys in life.

Yet for many people, this deep and joyous connection eludes them. Try as they might, they cannot seem to find the connected experience that they so deeply desire.

There is a very good reason for this.

Many of us were brought up to distrust our own feelings and experiences. I was consistently programmed to disconnect from and discount my inner feelings, experiences, and inner knowing. Instead, I was taught to trust an external source - my parents - to define what was right or wrong for me, good or bad for me. The more I learned to disconnect from my feelings and my inner knowing, the more I disconnected from my authentic Self and sought connection from outside myself.

I tried to connect with my husband through being whatever I thought he wanted me to be, and he tried to connect with me by trying to have control over getting me to be what he wanted me to be. We were a perfect pair! No wonder our deep connection with each other rarely lasted for more than a few minutes at a time!

The problem is that can cannot authentically connect with another unless we are connected with our authentic selves. If we are not defining ourselves from within, then we consistently attempt to define ourselves eternally, by doing whatever we can to have control over getting love, approval, attention, sex, agreement, and so on. We confuse true connection with the momentary good feeling that comes from getting what we want from another. We think that relating to another from the wounded ego part of ourselves and getting what we want to feel externally validated is connection. It is not.

Connection with another is a mutual experience of sharing our authentic selves with each other and each receiving caring, understanding, and support - the mutual feeling of being received and cherished for who we each really are. It is truly one of the highest experiences in life. But this wonderful experience is not possible unless we are both able to share as our authentic selves. It is only when we are deeply connected with our own feelings, our own thoughts, and our own inner knowing/spiritual guidance that we can authentically share ourselves.

Sharing our wounded ego selves is sharing who we have created ourselves to be to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. There is no reality, no truth, no authenticity to our ego wounded self. Authentic connection is not possible from an inauthentic part of ourselves. No matter how much you may want the joy of authentic connection with your partner or others, it cannot occur until you authentically connect with yourself.

The practice of Inner Bonding is a powerful way of healing the ego wounded self and discovering your authentic self. These transformational 6 Steps start with practicing noticing your feelings with compassion rather than with judgment. As you learn to embrace your feelings rather than avoid them, you can choose to take responsibility for causing them or for nurturing them. You can move into a deep intent to learn about what self-judgments and erroneous beliefs may be causing your painful feelings of anger, hurt, frustration, guilt, shame, anxiety or depression. You can learn how to open to learning with the highest part of yourself - your Higher Self - who is filled with love and wisdom. You can learn from your Higher Self to define yourself rather than to look to others to define you. You can learn to take loving action in your own behalf. And, finally, you can learn to share your authentic love, caring and understanding with your loved ones.

If you want a deep and joyous connection with your loved ones, then first learn to create that deep and joyous connection with your Self.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and ?Healing Your Aloneness.? She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding? healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Even if you’re deeply in love with your partner, there will be times when it feels like you are miles apart. This is natural, but that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. To help you maintain a healthy and peaceful relationship, you can use Feng Shui. As with any relationship, energy shifts are par for the course. But that doesn’t mean you simply need to endure them in order to regain your relationship mojo. Why not try to keep the peace all the time?

When the Waters are Rough

Things happen in every relationship that make us upset at the other person. But in order to restore the happiness we crave, we need to realize that changes are necessary. As a couple, you can use these Feng Shui techniques to begin to smooth out the rough patches.

Start by looking at the relationship corner of every room in your home or apartment – this is the further right hand corner from the doorway. If things are messy and cluttered, it might be time for some cleaning. Any chaos in these areas is going to hinder the proper energy flow of your relationship. Take some time every day to ensure these areas are clear and clean. You will also want to look in this area to see if you have any singular images or items present. These can often stimulate the energy of singular-ness, which is the opposite of what you want in your relationship.

Together, you might also want to buy a plant that you can nurture together, just as you want to nurture your relationship. By taking care of the plant on a daily basis, you can boost the energy that cultivates your own relationship to each other. Take turns watering the plant and caring for it – but also take time to nurture the plant together.

Open up the windows of your bedroom as often as you can to let in healthy new energy. The breeze will help you move out any stagnant energy, while also infusing your space with peace. This is also a good time to look around for anything that might be broken in your home. Broken items attract negative and broken energy – not what you want when your relationship is suffering. Get rid of these items or fix them.

In addition, you will want to remove anything from your home that might remind you of bad times in your relationship. These items are only attracting negative energy back into your relationship - who needs that?

Long Term Happiness is Simple

Yes, you can live happily ever after. But you still need to do some work in order to guarantee it. First of all, you want to nurture steady energy in your relationship – never too high or too low. You can begin to enhance this steadiness by adding neutral colors to your bedroom. This doesn’t mean you can’t have any bright colors, but you should try to balance that color scheme overall. In addition, if your bedroom is too feminine or too masculine, you will want to balance this out as well. You want your bedroom to be as neutral as possible, balancing out the energies of your relationship.

Try buying new bed sheets to help improve the energy of your relationship from this point forward. Choosing the bed sheets together will help you feel rejuvenated and renewed. And start collecting pictures of your good times together as these will help you whenever the times get tough again. Keep your bedroom door open too, as much as possible, to let in new energy and keep your romance alive.

No matter what the state of your relationship is, Feng Shui can help keep your love feeling like as good as it did when you first found it.

Candace Czarny, ASID, CFM, LEED AP, “Award Winning” Interior Designer, Feng Shui Expert & Author of 20 Minute Feng Shui is continually ranked “Top 10″ in Google and Yahoo. Clients testify of dramatic results!

I hear comments like this from women almost every day: “David, I saw this guy today and he was so cute. He smiled at me, and I would have loved to have smiled back at him or said hello, but I was all sweaty because I’d just left the gym.” Every part of that statement following the “but” is nothing more than an excuse.

In fact, if you put a blank after the “but” in that sentence then I could fill it in with at least one hundred different excuses just like the “but I was all sweaty” one above. I’ve heard them all, but here are some of the classic ones:

My hair was up in a ponytail.

I didn’t feel sexy that day.

I was having a fat day.

I was wearing an unflattering outfit.

I wasn’t wearing any makeup.

I had coffee breath.

I was chewing and had food in my mouth.

I was on my cell phone.

The list of excuses could go on and on and on . . .

Here is a concept that you must understand, though, and it’s something I’ve been telling women for years: If a man looks at you, then he is attracted to you as you are at that very moment. He doesn’t care (and likely doesn’t know) that you are sweaty, are not wearing makeup, are wearing an old t-shirt that is twelve sizes too big for you, or about anything else.

If a man looks at you when you’re not at your best (or even when you’re at your worst), then he is attracted to you right then and just as you are at that moment. Although he may be imagining (and fantasizing about) what you will look like at your best, he doesn’t really care because all he is thinking about is how he is attracted to you right now.

Think about it. Isn’t this what you really want? Don’t you want a guy who checks you out on a Friday night in Blockbuster when you are dressed in your old sweats, have your hair pulled back in a ponytail and are not wearing any makeup?

It’s what you always claim you want. It’s what women always tell me they want.

You don’t want to have to be made up and perfectly coiffed every minute of your life. You don’t want to have to be dolled up when you’re in the comfort of your own home. You want a guy who is attracted to the real core of who you are as a person.

When you think of it that way, why would you ever make another excuse for why you don’t smile or talk to a guy who is looking at you? You should never let the fact that you are not feeling your best be an excuse for not responding to a guy who is looking at you, because the fact is that they are nothing more than excuses.

So the next time a guy looks at you and you’re not feeling like you’re at your best, you need to remember that he doesn’t know that. The only thing he’s thinking is “Man, I think she’s hot!”

Go and talk to him right now, because there may not be another opportunity with that guy. Why would you waste the opportunity to find out what this guy is all about . . . especially when you already know he is attracted to you?

Life is about taking advantage of opportunities every single day. Stop making excuses, because all the “reasons” you have for not interacting with men are just your excuses.

So the next time you see a potential Mr. Right (or Mr. Right Now) staring at you from across the room when you’re still wearing sweatpants from your trip to the gym, smile and talk to him because he couldn’t care less what you’re wearing! He’s attracted to you and, in fact, will likely be talking about you for the rest of the day telling his friends “Man, I saw this girl tonight in Whole Foods. She had on these sweatpants and she looked so cute!”

Stop judging yourself so much, and start accepting that when a man looks at you he finds you attractive exactly as you are at that moment. Stop over analyzing and start feeling beautiful because the guy checked you out.

Hailed on Fox News, The LA Times, The NY Times, Playboy and more? Legendary dating Coach Launches a New Revolution For over nearly 20 years David Wygant has been earning the trust of American men and women looking to transform their love lives. (http://www.davidwygant.com)